Mid Day Change in Direction
I need to change directions. Fast. I am out of sorts with my eating. It started when I found out that my daughter's friend tested positive for the mono virus. My daughter has been sick for a couple of days now. I am working from home. I was doing great yesterday until the mono news then I cooked bicsuits - evil biscuits, and ate five of them, then it was pop tarts in the night spilling into morning and tortilla chips. I am confessing this and taking a stand. Every time I lose more weight my body seems to struggle to get the weight back. So I need to work even harder to keep the weight off, and to go on losing. This stress of impending mono test today and the fact that I am working from home just days after talks with boss about being in the office.. emotional eating.
I am changing my direction. I am going to deal with my worries, fears and whatever other emotions I am trying to medicate with food. I felt angry after overeating. Angry and irritated. I did go to the gym for my cardio. And I will today. But the eating needs to go on the back burner. I have healthy stuff in the house. I am not even hungry, stuffed with junk, though. That hangover that follows a binge. I hate it. But I don't have to wallow in it. I can remember that I am 40 or even 44 pounds lighter than I was three years ago. And at least 20 lighter than last year at this time. So how about I celebrate that, and lay off the bloating substances for the rest of the day.
I have a nice hot cup of coffee and I am in my comfy chair with my laptop. The chips, poptarts and biscuits will make their way through my system and then leave - except for the fat I may gain. But even that fat is only temporary. I will shed it. I am determined. I am not giving up. It is only food. It is not that powerful. It may feel like it right now but I have been through this before, this craving, nagging, out of control feeling. And it passes. It will pass today. Perhaps I will make that my mantra for now "it will pass, it always does" - that I can say to my cravings, my irritated state of mind, my guilt and remorse, my worry. It will pass. It always does. Just saying it now dissolves some of the power.
More will be revealed.
I am changing my direction. I am going to deal with my worries, fears and whatever other emotions I am trying to medicate with food. I felt angry after overeating. Angry and irritated. I did go to the gym for my cardio. And I will today. But the eating needs to go on the back burner. I have healthy stuff in the house. I am not even hungry, stuffed with junk, though. That hangover that follows a binge. I hate it. But I don't have to wallow in it. I can remember that I am 40 or even 44 pounds lighter than I was three years ago. And at least 20 lighter than last year at this time. So how about I celebrate that, and lay off the bloating substances for the rest of the day.
I have a nice hot cup of coffee and I am in my comfy chair with my laptop. The chips, poptarts and biscuits will make their way through my system and then leave - except for the fat I may gain. But even that fat is only temporary. I will shed it. I am determined. I am not giving up. It is only food. It is not that powerful. It may feel like it right now but I have been through this before, this craving, nagging, out of control feeling. And it passes. It will pass today. Perhaps I will make that my mantra for now "it will pass, it always does" - that I can say to my cravings, my irritated state of mind, my guilt and remorse, my worry. It will pass. It always does. Just saying it now dissolves some of the power.
More will be revealed.
posted by Cindy at
11:36 AM
2 Comments:
Yay, Cindy! You are doing GREAT! I feel your grrrrrr and power. You can do it! ;-)
You are doing GREAT!
I can sense your determination! Now, throw out that stuff if you haven't already.
I hope your daughter does not have mono.
Courage!
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