Pollution
Yesterday I made it through the day of extra stress without diverting from my plan. But when evening came, and I got my car back, and the day was over, I ended up blowing it all with one of my comfort/binge foods - popcorn. That downward spiral carried over to today, where I repeated the same pattern, stay on plan all day and then blow it in the evening. It's like a post stress eating. I am pissed that I did it. But I am determined that this day be the end of it. It does not have to turn into another failed day or a week of bad days. So instead of brooding in bed about it I got up to write about it.
Maybe I need to wrap this post up and read someone else's blog. For inspiration. My meditation reading for today was about being exposed to the truth about ourselves and others when we come out of the fog of overeating. So the question for me today is what was I trying to avoid, or "fog" out by eating today and yesterday? What reality can I face instead of reaching for those old foods, foods I ate when I was 200 pounds, foods that got me to 206 or over and kept me in that range for years. For me today it is worse to wear a false armour of fat than to simply face some of the unpleasant realities of life. I'd rather look at my tapped finances, my aging body, my flawed family, and so on than to continue to be overstuffed and angry. I just don't want to pollute myself anymore. I feel polluted right now. So I am drinking water to flush it all out. I feel poisoned.
I made a commitment to be honest. So honest I am.
Maybe I need to wrap this post up and read someone else's blog. For inspiration. My meditation reading for today was about being exposed to the truth about ourselves and others when we come out of the fog of overeating. So the question for me today is what was I trying to avoid, or "fog" out by eating today and yesterday? What reality can I face instead of reaching for those old foods, foods I ate when I was 200 pounds, foods that got me to 206 or over and kept me in that range for years. For me today it is worse to wear a false armour of fat than to simply face some of the unpleasant realities of life. I'd rather look at my tapped finances, my aging body, my flawed family, and so on than to continue to be overstuffed and angry. I just don't want to pollute myself anymore. I feel polluted right now. So I am drinking water to flush it all out. I feel poisoned.
I made a commitment to be honest. So honest I am.
posted by Cindy at
10:07 PM
1 Comments:
Prior to going on a diet, I ate popcorn every night after dinner. I would add dry ranch dressing seasoning to a little olive oil and stir into my popcorn, then sprinkle Parmesan cheese on it. It was one of the hardest things for me to quit, because it was a daily habit.
I now allow myself a package of popcorn on Friday - nothing added. I buy that jolly time 94% fat free kettle corn. It is full of fiber and very low sodium! And the sweetness gives the illusion of something decadent.
I think being honest with ones self is a huge factor in being successful on a diet. Hang in there.
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