Battling my Fattitude
I found myself with a bit of a dangerous fattiude this weekend. Fattitude is my new word for when I have a "fat" attitude. Where my thinking is obsessive about being fat, and I am overly focused on the fat parts of my body, my weight and so on. I have been drinking water constantly this weekend to help get rid of the nasty illness I have. I feel bloated and my weight went up. I feel I am retaining and swelling. I have been passing up all kinds of foods and I know I am not eating enough to gain. So, patience is required. I cannot exercise or exert myself much because I am trying to recover from illness.
It is hot and hideous outside. The air quality is dangerous. I am holing up, and resting. I did visit with my sister on Saturday and that was fun, but it wore me out and all I did was sit outside all evening. I passed on the cake at the party and drank water. I was a little pissed to see my weight go up but I need to ignore that. Sunday morning I managed to make it to church service and I am so glad I did. I have not been back since vacation. As I was leaving, the music director pulled up in his van with his family and said they missed me at Bible class. I said I missed them, too and that I would be back. He said I always have good input. It felt very good to have been missed. I had already been talking myself out of going, thinking that since I was not in the choir or music team I really did not belong. Silly me!!
Today we are supposed to meet my sister, but I am not sure if I am up to it. I do have to drive to pick up grandson so perhaps we can meet for a meal somewhere. The sickness is getting better but I have felt weak and feverish at times. I don't want to play around with this, it could impact my kidneys. So I am sloshing around with the water and trying not to eat much because I am getting zero exercise. I want to do my weights and stuff but I don't think it is a good idea. Getting well is a good idea.
So back to the fattitude. To combat the fattitude I am looking back at old posts and looking at pictures and thinking about my progress and not my regressions, if any. I am planning out healthy foods and need to keep track. That way I can look at what I ate and realize I am not overeating. I don't want to obsess over it, but I want to do enough about it to put me in reality. The doom and gloom thinking is destructive and I am not wanting to go there anymore.
I will keep resting and looking at the positive side of my life for now. Here is something I wrote about a year ago in a post, it applies today:
"Overall, as far as eating is concered, my worst days now are far better than my best days were before. I get all freaked out because I have a bag of microwave popcorn when in the old days I'd have three. There is much to be thankful for and today I want to focus on that. It would be too easy to take this bloated feeling I have in my tummy and run with it. Or take the two or three pound gain and use it to beat myself up and say what's the use? What's the use is a dangerous place for me to go."
I like that. I think I will listen to myself today and just be happy!
It is hot and hideous outside. The air quality is dangerous. I am holing up, and resting. I did visit with my sister on Saturday and that was fun, but it wore me out and all I did was sit outside all evening. I passed on the cake at the party and drank water. I was a little pissed to see my weight go up but I need to ignore that. Sunday morning I managed to make it to church service and I am so glad I did. I have not been back since vacation. As I was leaving, the music director pulled up in his van with his family and said they missed me at Bible class. I said I missed them, too and that I would be back. He said I always have good input. It felt very good to have been missed. I had already been talking myself out of going, thinking that since I was not in the choir or music team I really did not belong. Silly me!!
Today we are supposed to meet my sister, but I am not sure if I am up to it. I do have to drive to pick up grandson so perhaps we can meet for a meal somewhere. The sickness is getting better but I have felt weak and feverish at times. I don't want to play around with this, it could impact my kidneys. So I am sloshing around with the water and trying not to eat much because I am getting zero exercise. I want to do my weights and stuff but I don't think it is a good idea. Getting well is a good idea.
So back to the fattitude. To combat the fattitude I am looking back at old posts and looking at pictures and thinking about my progress and not my regressions, if any. I am planning out healthy foods and need to keep track. That way I can look at what I ate and realize I am not overeating. I don't want to obsess over it, but I want to do enough about it to put me in reality. The doom and gloom thinking is destructive and I am not wanting to go there anymore.
I will keep resting and looking at the positive side of my life for now. Here is something I wrote about a year ago in a post, it applies today:
"Overall, as far as eating is concered, my worst days now are far better than my best days were before. I get all freaked out because I have a bag of microwave popcorn when in the old days I'd have three. There is much to be thankful for and today I want to focus on that. It would be too easy to take this bloated feeling I have in my tummy and run with it. Or take the two or three pound gain and use it to beat myself up and say what's the use? What's the use is a dangerous place for me to go."
I like that. I think I will listen to myself today and just be happy!
posted by Cindy at
12:26 PM
2 Comments:
- so good that you are pacing yourself and being kind to yourself - get well soon - it is humid here too - and that makes everyone (I think so anyway) feel 'fat' . . .
"Fattitude." What a great word. I think this afflicts US a good portion of the time. I think much of the fattitude is fear. Normal eaters gain a few pounds and think "bad day." We gain a few pounds and think, "obese forever."
You have had more addiction counseling than I have. Is this kind of thinking part of addiction/compulsion? It is the fattitude that scares me more than the actual pounds!
Hot and humid. Wow. It froze here the last two nights. I turned the heat on last eve.
Is there a connection between Weedy thinking and the illness? Mary would say your symptoms are "getting rid of the problem." But then she says stuff like that. Take care.
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