Perspective and Salsa Dip

I looked at my postings and my weight recordings a year ago. I was experiencing an appetite increase and was dancing around the scale like I am now, only twenty pounds heavier. That does put things in perspective. I am still feeling puffed up. I am still struggling with cravings, but less. I have discovered a nice little easy dip to make for veggies. I add light mayo to salsa and it gives it a creamier character. I just now thought about adding yogurt to it. That might be even better. I am munching cucumber dipped in my salsa dip right now.

The gain I experienced is not hopping right back down like my little gains in the past. So I am getting more drastic and using more tools by the day. I went to the gym yesterday. I have not been doing gym on the weekends. I did it to get away from watermelon. It worked. I cleaned in my room last night which made me feel good and kept me out of the kitchen. I am eating less but the scale is holding steady so I am hanging tight and being patient until it passes. I am not over analyzing or trying to find out what magical thing happened or needs to happen. It is probably a combination of many things. The answer is simple. Eat less. Drink more water and keep exercising.

I also need to avoid negative thinking. I find myself looking in the mirror and having distorted ideas about my body again. That must be a mental illness in and of itself. So I am avoiding the whole mirror thing as much as possible. My clothes fit fine. This is not a huge deal, but it is a moment of struggle and I am facing it with all the methods I have used these past couple of years.

My vacation is less than a week away. We leave Friday evening for the San Fransisco Bay area. On my 50th birthday I am going to a spa, courtesy of my sister. I will get an 80 minute full body deep tissue massage - never have I ever had one of those. I will get an hour long pedicure and also something called hydrotherapy. My sister will meet me for lunch and the pedicure. What a special birthday. I have never been to a spa. Ever. Such luxuries are not in my budget. The day after we arrive my oldest brother will come and stay overnight Saturday. We will celebrate my birthday with him early. How wonderful is that? I want to be noticeably skinnier and I am. I don't want to sabotage myself with nervous nibbling, and I won't.

A good thing about staying at my sister's is that they eat healthy. And the focus is not on food. It is easier to lose weight going there than to gain. I like that. We do things that involve walking and hiking. And the meals are healthy. There are things to be done in advance and my days are numbered to get them finished but I refuse to stress. Today I am going to pay bills, fill out the forms for the kids to start school, and drag out the luggage. One nice thing is we can start packing now because the clothes we will wear there are long pants, and warmer clothes, long sleeves, hoodies, etc. The temperatures are mild and sometimes chilly especially at the beach. So we are not wearing those clothes here in the Midwest swelter of July. We can pack them now and not miss them.

I have to admit I feel a little stressed thinking of what needs to be done. But I found someone to keep the dog who lives not too far so I don't have to drive 4 hours round trip to take him to my parents. I also asked neighbor man to water the flowers and he said he would do it in the morning when he does his own. Those were my two main worries besides getting to the airport and I have a friend who will do that, too.

I am going to make a list after I finish this blog. I have a half day off Thursday and all day Friday before we go to the airport at 3 p.m. That 's nice. But I have school things to do also, a parent meeting Thursday night and taking daughter to pick up her schedule on Thursday afternoon. It's exciting. I want to just be excited instead of stressed. We will have fun out there. It will be a nice time.

So off I go to make a to do list. Just finished my cucumbers and going to refill my water bottle.