Marveling in the the Moment
(www.canonical.org/.../dad/Nature)
It has been hard to post this week. I have been trying to come up with words each night but end up deleting and starting over and then giving up. Sunday's crash was a big one. Somehow I believe it was a necessary step in my recovery to recognize painful things I have been avoiding.
I once dated a guy that described me as a calm in the middle of a storm. He described a nest in a tree and the tree being blown around, yet the nest and the bird stayed intact. Something like that. It was nice, but I remember being surprised at the idea of it. I don't always feel calm. Often lately I have felt scared, angry, sad, and sometimes a little outraged. Perhaps the calmness is on the outside but not always on the inside. Maybe I do calm things, steady things, stable things even when I feel like I am on the edge of sanity. Simple things like getting up and watering the flowers. I rarely take these things for granted. I used to feel silly about being grateful for getting out of bed in the morning, showing up for work or doing the dishes, those everyday things. I realize today that these things are the glue that holds me together when I feel like falling apart. No wonder I am grateful. It isn't silly to be grateful.
So the plan for today is to do each task with gratitude for the ability to do it. Staying in the moment and being thankful for it. No future projections or past reflections, just the here and now. Marveling in the moment.
posted by Cindy at
9:08 AM
3 Comments:
Great post, Cindy! Have you read Sarah Ban Breathnach's books? I really liked "Something More" and "Simple Abundance." Should be available at your local library. I listened to them on tape, and found that to be very pleasant. This was about...3 years ago? I still think of it quite often. Check it out...
Oh Cindy, I so relate. A lot of people (me included) used to think I was "the calm". The problem with being what other people perceive as "the calm" is that we might not give ourselves permission to be anything BUT the calm...and that is just not realistic. So we bury our un-calm in a lot of stuff -- I bury mine in food (among other things). I am learning (or trying to) how to embrace the uncalm. One thing I always try to embrace is the moment!! :-)
I think sometimes I'm calm and like Helen says, bury our un-calmness in other stuff.
I've also noticed that I can be strong but the minute the drama's over, or the crisis is resolved, I crash.
No, it's never silly to be grateful. I'm trying to be grateful for the little things myself. Another great post, Cindy.
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