No More Droopy Drawers

I had to do it. I couldn't take it anymore. The size 14 stretch capris that have seen me through I don't know how many summers just won't do it this year. It's the saggy, baggy backside that gets to me the most. I feel like I don't know what's in there. Is it big, is it little? I want to know what my rear end looks like. So today, on my "me" day, I shopped. It did not go so well at first. The styles I tried looked clownish, freakish, and bizarre. Then there was a style that I thought "no way" about, that I tried out of desperation. I loved them. I don't know what to call them, cargo-ish, just below the knee, khaki. I instantly knew they were right for me and I got them in dark brown. I bought a shirt to go with them and I was on my way. I had a pedicure and a hair appointment and now I had an something to wear.

After my pedicure and haircut, I returned to shopping. One pair was not enough. I wanted more. I wanted denim, and I wanted other colors. I bought a khaki green in the same style I bought earlier, and two stretch denim capris that worked. I was amazed. It takes more time now to find things that work, but they are out there. It is so nice now to have things that fit and fit snug. Even if I lose more weight, they will still fit for a while . The baggy butt was getting sad for me. I feel perky now.

One thing I realized today, is that I still struggle with guilt over doing things for me. Things that cost money. Things that are not necessary. A pedicure could be considered necessary and so could a haircut, but for me they are a luxury item. But why can't I have a luxury? This age old dilemma got me to the bookstore. A friend has been recommending You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay for quite some time. I took a look at it today and decided it is for me. I even paid an extra three bucks for the beautiful gift edition. I want to do the mental exercises. I want to heal the me that still feels secret guilt at shopping for herself, getting her hair done, getting her feet done, and so on. I want that more now than ever in my life. It is all connected. The overeating, the guilt, the unworthy, undeserving feelings. I want to get at the core of it. I think I can now.

I also bought a collector's issue of a magazine called Oxygen. It is dedicated to abs training for women. The lady on the cover looks kind of scary to me in that body builder sort of way, but I felt inspired paging through it, so I got it. I deserve great abs. Right? Then I when to the religious section and got a spiritual book that I have wanted for maybe two years. I take my time buying books these days. I used to buy them impulsively and not read them. Now I wait until time has passed and I still want them.

So no more droopy drawers, and hopefully no more guilty feelings about getting new things. I have to work on that part, though, along with my abs!