I posted this flower last night. And tonight I was having such horrible dark thoughts that would not go away. I got up and got out the computer and I saw Jen's comment. About the flower. Just that one comment gave me a tad bit of hope in the darkest hour that I am having here. I don't know exactly how to explain it but it did. See, I got this book and yesterday I read in it for a while. It is about changing thoughts and I read about how many people struggle with the core feeling of not being good enough. I felt optimistic yesterday. Today was another story. We took my grandson to get the camp bus and that went okay. Then we went to the prison to see my son. There is where the darkness set in. I have been going to prisons to see the people I love for many years now. I think about 12. A long and sad story. Some visits are better than others. I don't think the details matter. I left feeling worse than I have felt in a very long time. Sometimes I expect to feel lousy after a prison visit. Today must have caught me off guard. You know the worst thing is that I thought about that book and about people feeling like they are not good enough. I thought to myself, those people only think they are not good enough. I truly am not good enough. And I will never be good enough. None of my optimism and none of anything I do or have ever done could bring me out of this deep well of sadness. Nothing. I was wondering if I could even get through the night. I do not know if it is possible to feel any sadder than this. I honeslty hope not. but Jen's comment was a little spark of light. The roses are in my garden, they came up by the fence. I really appreciate you guys. You are like the flowers that come up in my garden. I did not plant them, they just came up by themselves. And add some beauty to my life.