Periods

I am convinced now that I lost weight easier when my periods went away. My insatiable grazing feeling for a week was followed up with, yes, you know it, a period. Since I had months without, and was getting used to not having them, it is pissing me off. I forgot about the eating and then losing what I gained from eating only to meet up with PMS week again, the whole syndrome I so long endured. I am determined not to let these periods overpower me. I have enough challenges. When I had one during the big move, I just ignored it. I had no time to even think much of it except for how ridiculous was the timing. I mean, really, none for months and then right in time for moving day.

I just need to respond to cravings with the alternative foods that don't produce weight gain and remorse. I did that some of the time this past week. But certainly not all of the time. But some of the time is better than none of the time, I suppose. I am trying so much to look on the bright side. I was gripped with fear this morning that all the weight was going to come glopping back on overnight and the weight loss was over, and so on. It is not going to come back on, not all of it. Maybe my two to four pound fluctuation, but not all of it.

I believe I can do this, still. No matter what. I believe I can continue on with my weight loss no matter what. I need a push, though, a new phase, a grand opening of another period of loss. So let's get a new meaning for the word period for me today. I am starting a new period of weight reduction, my spring phase. I lost in the summer, I was up and down in the fall, I lost in the winter and then stood still. Spring is here, and I am moving on. I know I keep saying this, but I have to keep giving myself these pep talks. Attitude is crucial for me. I can dive into despair in the drop of a hat.

So here it is, a beautiful April day. A yard for gardening waiting for me at home, with plants galore that are sitting in pots, ready to be sculpted into a beautiful place to enjoy. A full service gym with a pool, sauna and steam room is waiting for me to show up and indulge. Last night I gave myself a facial and took a long bubble bath. There are so many ways to feel good. I have books to devour or savor waiting for me on the coffee table and in the library upstairs. It is all time to spend enjoying things other than food.

I have my slow cooker and new recipes. And a kitchen inviting to food preparation and storage. My neighborhood has a beautiful pond with a fountain and swans - I can take walks there. It is waiting to be explored, hiked and biked. There is the Katy trail, a long river trail waiting for us to bike or walk. It is all glorious and healthy. I also have a bass guitar and amplifier waiting for me to learn to play. And a clarinet, drums, acoustic guitar, and rock electric guitar, all waiting to be played. We can express ourselves in so many ways.

My years of burying myself alive with food are over. Sure, I may have a couch potato evening here and there. But it is not my life, my prison, my captor. I am living again now. I have an excitement for life. I have ways to meet every challenge I have, and yes, I have many challenges. We all do. No one has the perfect life. But there are ways to meet calamity with sanity. Sorrow, grief, anger, outrage, all of these can be expressed in ways that do not involve self deprecation and self defeat. I believe that in my heart and soul today and I will advocate for it the rest of my life.

So I have had many periods in my life. Many phases. They all had their place. I look forward to the one ahead of me now. I feel the richness of experience and the expectation of adventure. I am looking inward and outward for the good in myself and life. I want to use all of my strengths and share my accomplishments with others. I want to live my life to the fullest today.