Having problems Posting - Overwhelmed on a Blue Thursday
I am having trouble getting my posts to show up on my blog. Here is what I wrote today, I hope it shows up..
I may have been nibbling celery on Easter Sunday, but I have more than made up for it in the days past. I have had uncontrollable grazing syndrome in the evenings again. It is depressing me. But more depressing than that, last night I dreamed our two parakeets were dying. This morning I got up and checked the birds and our favorite, Sparky, had died. Haley bought him with her birthday money on her tenth birthday, so we have had him three and a half years. His mate Nora, was not the friendly one, he was. He was a real character. On top of the sadness of the bird dying, I have a ton of guilt. Guilt that I did not take care of the birds good enough since we moved, that I neglected to re-cage them and on and on. Then it expands to guilt that I have too much to take care of and I am not capable of taking care of all of it. I feel really down this morning. The pet death and the hangover of too much food in the past three days is just too much to bear.
I have to work now... That's another thing I have not been getting to like I should. I had two appointments for my daughter yesterday during the day, doctor and orthodontist. That and buying a couch finally, consumed much of the day. I am behind in my work tremendously, and my attention span is just not there.I need some relief, this weekend I hope. the couch comes Saturday. Maybe I will plant myself there and drink ice water and eat celery, right? I did take the dog on a walk last night, since my ankle seems to be doing well I thought I'd manage it, and I did. I should count my blessings but right now I feel like I don't have time....silly, right? I have a meeting in ten minutes and I don't know where it is....but I do have lots to be thankful for. But right now I am overwhelmed.
One more thing real fast, I am seeing a definite pattern of self sabotage - I move, I love where I live, things are going good, I eat.....it is as if I have to mess things up in some area or something....I am going to be looking at this behavior and asking myself why I would want to do that..what do I get out of it????
I may have been nibbling celery on Easter Sunday, but I have more than made up for it in the days past. I have had uncontrollable grazing syndrome in the evenings again. It is depressing me. But more depressing than that, last night I dreamed our two parakeets were dying. This morning I got up and checked the birds and our favorite, Sparky, had died. Haley bought him with her birthday money on her tenth birthday, so we have had him three and a half years. His mate Nora, was not the friendly one, he was. He was a real character. On top of the sadness of the bird dying, I have a ton of guilt. Guilt that I did not take care of the birds good enough since we moved, that I neglected to re-cage them and on and on. Then it expands to guilt that I have too much to take care of and I am not capable of taking care of all of it. I feel really down this morning. The pet death and the hangover of too much food in the past three days is just too much to bear.
I have to work now... That's another thing I have not been getting to like I should. I had two appointments for my daughter yesterday during the day, doctor and orthodontist. That and buying a couch finally, consumed much of the day. I am behind in my work tremendously, and my attention span is just not there.I need some relief, this weekend I hope. the couch comes Saturday. Maybe I will plant myself there and drink ice water and eat celery, right? I did take the dog on a walk last night, since my ankle seems to be doing well I thought I'd manage it, and I did. I should count my blessings but right now I feel like I don't have time....silly, right? I have a meeting in ten minutes and I don't know where it is....but I do have lots to be thankful for. But right now I am overwhelmed.
One more thing real fast, I am seeing a definite pattern of self sabotage - I move, I love where I live, things are going good, I eat.....it is as if I have to mess things up in some area or something....I am going to be looking at this behavior and asking myself why I would want to do that..what do I get out of it????
posted by Cindy at
11:09 AM
4 Comments:
I was so overwhelmed and tired and depressed two months after we moved I fell apart when the toilet ran over. I called Mark at work, he was in COURT, and demanded he come home and help me. I then sobbed all over him out of guilt when he rushed home to plunge out the john.
I can handle a lot. But I had worked too hard for too long and could not make one more decision. Not even to plunge out the toilet. To top it off I was eating like a pig and gaining weight.
Give yourself a break. The grandson deal alone is enough stress for a couple of years let alone moving, and a sprained ankle. And you are doing this on your own. Slow down. Rest. The moving messes will wait.
Also birds die when taken out of familiar environments. Stop beating yourself up. I think animals go to Heaven, so your bird is now in birdy Paradise. Find someone to hug you and say "there, there it will all work out."
By the way, post worked.
Thank you so much. I do need to find someone to hug me and say there there it will all work out. Maybe tonight we can take turns at home hugging each other. I decided we are going to have some time together tonight in the hearth room, I might even make a fire, it is still chilly here. We can talk and share stories about Grandma Roni and Sparky the parakeet. Stuff like that. And everything else can wait. thanks so much for reminding me. I called my grandson's psychologist, we just met her Monday, and she is getting him in sooner for the next vist. She would like to see him weekly for a while and I think that is great. I need a therapist myself. And my ago looking for one or hook up with my old one, better yet. Soon. It would be worth the 96 bucks I will most likely have to pay out of pocket.
I agree with Beula, you are doing a great job with all of the stresses in your life (good and bad). I know how you feel about the guilt on Sparky but he's at the Rainbow Bridge. (You can google it if you want but it might make you sadder.)
I wish I could give you a hug and I will tell you that everything is going to turn out right. You are an awesome, strong woman even if you don't feel like it at times. You just take care of so many people and are very important to them as well.
"I am seeing a definite pattern of self sabotage - I move, I love where I live, things are going good, I eat.....it is as if I have to mess things up in some area or something...."
I think that a lot of us have noticed a pattern of falling into bad habits AFTER - after everything is done - when we take a breath - THEN our guard is down and we fall into old/bad habits.
I think of this like a child coming home after a week at camp - busy, fun and then home to same/old/same/old and it is just a sort of let down - even if it is a new house - you were busy, busy busy.
I think this same thing happens over the holidays - and we just had one - on guard for holidays - but off guard a day, a week or two after - and that same "after feeling".
Glad your ankle is better - are you still reading your inspiration things? Is it too early in season to out to country cabin?
glad you are sticking with grandson's therapist - very important.
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