Mirrors

I know I have mentioned this a few times now but this new home has mirrors that show so much more of me. Not just my closet mirrors, but my bathroom mirror is big and I can see all the way down to my knees at least or more. I am confronted with myself all the time now. It is a good thing, too. It is the first time I have really been able to check out my body since I lost some weight. At first I was taken aback at the flab, and the remaining fat. And how out of shape I am. But now, I am taking more of an inventory, an assessment. I am seeing what I have to work with as I move into a new phase. This is a new phase of exercise. I have room to exercise in my bedroom upstairs, so I can have privacy. I am joining the gym for two workouts a week there. As soon as this ankle gets better I can walk the hilly streets around my lovely neighborhood.

I have a body to work with. It is smaller. It needs work, but it has potential to be stronger, leaner. I am looking forward to more changes.

Right now I have a range of emotions. My grandson went to spend a couple of days with his Mom for the first time since he came to live with me. I have a lot of feelings around that, fear being prominent. I have been working so intense on the house and now that I have wrapped that up except for one hard to fit mini blind, I can sort some feelings out. Catch up with myself a bit.

Beula reminded me that I don't have to get all my unpacking done so fast. I took an extra day off tomorrow so I can have a day where I am not in a non-stop mode of "getting things done." I don't have a real deadline for when I have to be unpacked and set up here. I want to take it easy, or at least easy compared to the past few weeks, or rather, the past couple of month.

I feel like a bomb when off and blew me into a completely different dimension. I feel like I am in shock right now. Rest is mandatory.

But these mirrors, they are becoming my allies, another tool to use. They tell the truth in a picture, a visual image of where I am today.

And today, I am in a much better place.....on January 12th I made declaration that I would move and get my daughter into a better neighborhood, and a better school. I became willing to do whatever it took, and I was willing to live in a smaller house or even an apartment. But here I am in a bigger, better place. More than enough. And the school is wonderful. It is miraculous to me that this all came together in such a short time. So I need to catch my breath.

The mirrors whisper to me about abstinence. It is on the horizon. If I am as willing about that effort as I was about moving, I believe I will be amazed at the results.
And I have these mirrors to hold me accountable.