Tuesday's Thoughts
I stopped trying to lose more weight and accidentally lost an additional pound. I have been busy and my appetite has not been very big. I think it is funny. I may register a loss for June after all. I have been feeling pretty good in my own skin. And speaking of skin, I bought some special lotion yesterday for skin firming and stuff. Going to see if I can tell a difference. Still hoping to get to picture taking. It will be good for me. A celebration and a realization/confirmation. I had some photo's tranferred from an old computer to an external drive and can now access more of my "before" pictures for uploading.
I took yesterday off to get some things taken care of so I have been taking care of errands and tasks that have piled up over time. It feels good. I feel competent. I have also been going through my closet, a little at a time, when I can fit it in. Usually early morning on Sunday or Saturday if I am not traveling. It has been fun. Sorting - and seeing my clothes from last year - the tops I still can wear but the bottoms had to go. I still have this special feeling of kinship with the last Summer wardrobe. I remember how good I felt in those clothes. The excitement I felt at being able to wear them.
So I am sorting what is going away and organizing what will stay. I enjoy it. I appreciate what I have. I believe I have a pretty nice wardrobe put togethe now. Mostly eights and sixes with one left over ten for skirts and pants. My tops range from 8 to 12, medium to large. One area that lacks is dressy stuff. I'd like a dress or two for church/dressy. I don't care for what I have seen on the racks this summer so I may go resale or somewhere for the more classic styles. Resale sounds good to me since my clothing budget is pretty much over for now. I want a pair of black shorts. And a dress or two. I am also wearing shoes I did not wear for a long time, the higher heals. It was too much stress on the heal, my feet, etc. in the past. Now that I am lighter it feels that I can tolerate them.
I saw a friend Friday night who said that the size I am right now looks like just the right size for me. I agree. It feels right. So I think I'll keep it. It's not the clothing size, those numbers range, depending on the maker, and so on. Or even the number on the scale. Those are nice measuring tools for seeing how far I have come. And I am happy with them. But, it's the me size, the how I feel when I move around, sit, etc., and my body porportions that I am feeling comfortable with today. It just feels better and better.
Physical therapy was very nice yesterday. It was my second time. I am making it a priority now to go two times a week. I am sore but it was a really good session. I like my therapist. It is so awesome to get a massage, too. I also got a massage from the Weed Sunday night after returning from my trip. The Weed's roommate's girlfriend is a friend of mine - she is a fun, young woman, and currently pregnant. I stopped off to see her and visit a bit with them all. The Weed knows (and so do I) there is no romance between me and him. Just friends. I had driven six hours that day and my back was a mess. It was nice to get a massage and have it be just that. He may want more but he is obviously content to stick within the confines of my boundaries which are apparently and miraculously defined at the present moment. Interesting concept. And nice.
My car is getting it's bumper painted today. I am driving a rental - it's cute, a PT cruiser. I'd never buy one but it is fun to drive for a day or two. I have decided to make it a point to enjoy things any way I can. I enjoy driving rental cars. I enjoyed reading in the long line getting my plates transferred for the new car. I look forward to physical therapy because I enjoy it. I enjoyed driving a carload of teens to the theme park yesterday, and picking them up later - being with the teens was fun - the driving part is still stressful for me but I am working on that. When driving I try to just stay in the present moment and pay attention to what is around me. Improving concentration. I also have tapes from a church I used to attend that I listen to on my long trips.
Maybe I can accidentally lose another pound and then I will be down a total of 60 pounds from 2005. But I am not trying. I have already exceeded my expectations for weight loss. I just eat sane foods when I feel like eating. And make sure I don't go too long with an empty stomach. The idea of me forgetting to eat still amuses me. I have treats here and there, and do not feel deprived ever. I just realized that. At some point, somewhere in time, I stopped feeling deprived in connection with eating less, and eating different foods. I feel I am living/eating by choice. And I love my choices.
I also love Summer again. I started loving more last year.
More will be revealed....
I took yesterday off to get some things taken care of so I have been taking care of errands and tasks that have piled up over time. It feels good. I feel competent. I have also been going through my closet, a little at a time, when I can fit it in. Usually early morning on Sunday or Saturday if I am not traveling. It has been fun. Sorting - and seeing my clothes from last year - the tops I still can wear but the bottoms had to go. I still have this special feeling of kinship with the last Summer wardrobe. I remember how good I felt in those clothes. The excitement I felt at being able to wear them.
So I am sorting what is going away and organizing what will stay. I enjoy it. I appreciate what I have. I believe I have a pretty nice wardrobe put togethe now. Mostly eights and sixes with one left over ten for skirts and pants. My tops range from 8 to 12, medium to large. One area that lacks is dressy stuff. I'd like a dress or two for church/dressy. I don't care for what I have seen on the racks this summer so I may go resale or somewhere for the more classic styles. Resale sounds good to me since my clothing budget is pretty much over for now. I want a pair of black shorts. And a dress or two. I am also wearing shoes I did not wear for a long time, the higher heals. It was too much stress on the heal, my feet, etc. in the past. Now that I am lighter it feels that I can tolerate them.
I saw a friend Friday night who said that the size I am right now looks like just the right size for me. I agree. It feels right. So I think I'll keep it. It's not the clothing size, those numbers range, depending on the maker, and so on. Or even the number on the scale. Those are nice measuring tools for seeing how far I have come. And I am happy with them. But, it's the me size, the how I feel when I move around, sit, etc., and my body porportions that I am feeling comfortable with today. It just feels better and better.
Physical therapy was very nice yesterday. It was my second time. I am making it a priority now to go two times a week. I am sore but it was a really good session. I like my therapist. It is so awesome to get a massage, too. I also got a massage from the Weed Sunday night after returning from my trip. The Weed's roommate's girlfriend is a friend of mine - she is a fun, young woman, and currently pregnant. I stopped off to see her and visit a bit with them all. The Weed knows (and so do I) there is no romance between me and him. Just friends. I had driven six hours that day and my back was a mess. It was nice to get a massage and have it be just that. He may want more but he is obviously content to stick within the confines of my boundaries which are apparently and miraculously defined at the present moment. Interesting concept. And nice.
My car is getting it's bumper painted today. I am driving a rental - it's cute, a PT cruiser. I'd never buy one but it is fun to drive for a day or two. I have decided to make it a point to enjoy things any way I can. I enjoy driving rental cars. I enjoyed reading in the long line getting my plates transferred for the new car. I look forward to physical therapy because I enjoy it. I enjoyed driving a carload of teens to the theme park yesterday, and picking them up later - being with the teens was fun - the driving part is still stressful for me but I am working on that. When driving I try to just stay in the present moment and pay attention to what is around me. Improving concentration. I also have tapes from a church I used to attend that I listen to on my long trips.
Maybe I can accidentally lose another pound and then I will be down a total of 60 pounds from 2005. But I am not trying. I have already exceeded my expectations for weight loss. I just eat sane foods when I feel like eating. And make sure I don't go too long with an empty stomach. The idea of me forgetting to eat still amuses me. I have treats here and there, and do not feel deprived ever. I just realized that. At some point, somewhere in time, I stopped feeling deprived in connection with eating less, and eating different foods. I feel I am living/eating by choice. And I love my choices.
I also love Summer again. I started loving more last year.
More will be revealed....
posted by Cindy at
10:28 AM
5 Comments:
Not feeling deprived is KEY to me...I know that if I start going down that road, I will overeat and regain. It's just how I'm wired. So glad you are feeling good and inadvertently losing! Fun! :-)
lovely, lovely post.
I identified with everything that you said.
And I get what you said about the clothes totally.
Resale shops can be great - and try the ones in the better ends of town - resale shops with more than one location - tend to divide up the stuff dropped off at the drop boxes - but the stuff taken directly to the stores (tends) to be kept there.
Until you started mentioning the car/fear thing - I didn't realize that mine had FINALLY gone away. It was a round for a long, long time. I don't stare down cars behind me (rear view mirror) any more. When or why this finally left - I don't know. For me - it might have had something to do with my meds.
My suggestion would be to have some type of regular "check in" with the scale - and not to just go by your clothes. I think that a 2 pound leeway is the smartest - and would recommend 5 pounds as the absolute highest range. That is why I think 2 is good - because two pounds up or down is a swing of 4 pounds. 5 pound up or down range is a swing of 10 which I think is too much. And heaven forbid - someone would think 10 pounds both directions for a total swing of 20 was a good idea - because that is a lot of swinging around. . .
I like to weigh every day, give or take a day here and there.. It's a reality thing with me. And I like the two pound range. Five would scare me. Three is ok, but a warning bell goes off at four...thanks!!! I agree totally.
I'm catching up and I'm sorry about your accident.
I really think you are in a good place and have been headed there for a while. As usual, you are thoughtful and introspective and honest about yourself.
What made me happy was to know that you have so many friends and such a good support system.
Congratulations on the weight and the body issues. You're definitely there.
Great post. It sounds like you are doing so so well right now. What a wonderful place to be.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home