Monday
Friday I had the wonderful experience of going to the doctor and weighing less than the last time. In fact, every time I have been to the doctor since Jan. 2005 I have weighed less. It makes going to the doctor kind of nice. He went over my weight loss history this time and showed me how it has gone steadily down a total of 44 pounds. I'd lost only a couple since October, but I've kept the loss off over time. I had a sinus infection and an ear infection. No wonder I have been feeling lousy and tired all the time. I had to go back today, and guess what? I weighed another pound less. This is the evil doctor scale, fully clothed, in the afternoon!! this morning at home I was at 158. I want to keep the 150's now. I was here before a month or so ago but I upped back into the low 160's. I want now to make it safely into the 150's so today is a crucial day.
The days following a loss are critical to the maintenance of the loss. My impulse, or urge, is to eat more after a loss. So it takes more effort the days following the loss to keep it off. It is as if my body feels the loss, and naturally responds by eating more. My body does not necessarily know I want to lose. It just may respond naturally as if the loss is something to make up for, to gain back to keep the status quo. I just have that little theory based on my experience. It seems that when I lose, my appetite goes up right afterward. But I have lots of deals with food, so it is hard to tell what is natural body appetite and what is mental or emotional. No matter what, I am taking the time to make the extra effort to eat sanely and keep this loss. I don't want it to be some fly by night, flash in the pan loss. I want it to be part of my progression.
That means I am three pounds away from one of my goals. To check out my body at 155. Maintaining 158 gets me closer to the 155. I am not obsessive over numbers, but they are a measure, and I use them that way.
The doctor visit today was because I felt sicker and sicker over the weekend. The doctor I saw today said the antibiotic I got on Friday helped the ear infection but the sinus infection was not responding to it. He prescribed something very expensive. And a couple of other things. I cannot take many drugs. I have allergies. So I have to work with what is available and sometimes it takes time.
It was too cool to weigh less fully clothed and in the afternoon, on the doctor's scale. Itwas and is priceless. Anyone who has struggled with weight will understand what a victory that is. I have had years where I would not go to the doctor at all, because of the scale. I just could not bear the public record of what I had done to my body. I feel so much healing now. Looking at my chart of loss was healing. I am mending my relationship with myself. After all, I am the one who did this to me, there is no one to blame. I have been building trust and learning how to be true to myself. If I cannot trust myself, I cannot trust anyone else.
My Manfriend situation is good. We had a little deal over the weekend, sort of a confrontation about something but it worked out okay. I am still in the relationship and perhaps feel a wee bit closer to him. I was willing to give it up, and I still am, if it is not good for me. But I am taking the time and making the effort to get to know him and see how well we get along over time.
I want to get well. I have been feeling poorly for a while now. The rest of the day I want to rest, and eat small amounts of healthy low calorie high protien food. I had a bad run in with my boss today. Long story. I was going to stay home and get well but she had issues with my time report and I came in to fix it. I was so angry at her, but did not want to talk to her but she was there and I had to. It was not good. I hope she does not fire me or write me up. I tried to maintain my composure and it could have been worse.
That's enough of a report for today. My head hurts. I dont' want to eat over anything so I am hanging in here and going to read blogs instead.
The days following a loss are critical to the maintenance of the loss. My impulse, or urge, is to eat more after a loss. So it takes more effort the days following the loss to keep it off. It is as if my body feels the loss, and naturally responds by eating more. My body does not necessarily know I want to lose. It just may respond naturally as if the loss is something to make up for, to gain back to keep the status quo. I just have that little theory based on my experience. It seems that when I lose, my appetite goes up right afterward. But I have lots of deals with food, so it is hard to tell what is natural body appetite and what is mental or emotional. No matter what, I am taking the time to make the extra effort to eat sanely and keep this loss. I don't want it to be some fly by night, flash in the pan loss. I want it to be part of my progression.
That means I am three pounds away from one of my goals. To check out my body at 155. Maintaining 158 gets me closer to the 155. I am not obsessive over numbers, but they are a measure, and I use them that way.
The doctor visit today was because I felt sicker and sicker over the weekend. The doctor I saw today said the antibiotic I got on Friday helped the ear infection but the sinus infection was not responding to it. He prescribed something very expensive. And a couple of other things. I cannot take many drugs. I have allergies. So I have to work with what is available and sometimes it takes time.
It was too cool to weigh less fully clothed and in the afternoon, on the doctor's scale. Itwas and is priceless. Anyone who has struggled with weight will understand what a victory that is. I have had years where I would not go to the doctor at all, because of the scale. I just could not bear the public record of what I had done to my body. I feel so much healing now. Looking at my chart of loss was healing. I am mending my relationship with myself. After all, I am the one who did this to me, there is no one to blame. I have been building trust and learning how to be true to myself. If I cannot trust myself, I cannot trust anyone else.
My Manfriend situation is good. We had a little deal over the weekend, sort of a confrontation about something but it worked out okay. I am still in the relationship and perhaps feel a wee bit closer to him. I was willing to give it up, and I still am, if it is not good for me. But I am taking the time and making the effort to get to know him and see how well we get along over time.
I want to get well. I have been feeling poorly for a while now. The rest of the day I want to rest, and eat small amounts of healthy low calorie high protien food. I had a bad run in with my boss today. Long story. I was going to stay home and get well but she had issues with my time report and I came in to fix it. I was so angry at her, but did not want to talk to her but she was there and I had to. It was not good. I hope she does not fire me or write me up. I tried to maintain my composure and it could have been worse.
That's enough of a report for today. My head hurts. I dont' want to eat over anything so I am hanging in here and going to read blogs instead.
posted by Cindy at
5:02 PM
3 Comments:
Cindy, I am like that after weigh-ins. I have to fight (and definitely not successfully) not to overeat after a good weigh-in. I truly do understand how you feel about the doctor's visit. It is a wonderful, wonderful victory for you and I'm so happy for you! You deserve all kinds of happiness with the kids, the manfriend, and the weight and your health. I'm really happy for you and I have a smile on my face to read your good news.
Me too Cindy. Just had that happening to me tonight. I weighed in at 180 this morning and was super happy about that and this evening ate more than I should have, almost started to binge. Probably tomorrow morning when I weigh myself I will be up in weight again. Also has to do with someone at work who shouted at me this afternoon. This is a second time in two weeks and do not know how to deal with it. When someone vents frustration at me it totally nixes me inside. Externally I look OK, but it takes me hours or more to recover. Think wanting to binge tonight came from that too, looking for comfort in the wrong place. I ate more, but also checked myself. Thanks for the posting as it came at the exact right time for me. Lesson is to get really below 180. Also to plan my meals better. Think I will go for a walk now :>)
Yay for you!! I remember how nice it was to go to the doc after losing and keeping off for many years. The past few have not been so fun. But I'm really making progress now so hopefully the next physical will be better. :-)
I have the same problem with wanting to "reward" myself for losing with...FOOD! Silly when I think about it, but there it is. Luckily, see the loss on the scale also makes me want to see MORE and I know that doesn't come with food rewards... ;-)
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