Wow

Wow - I had no idea it had been this long since I blogged. Time is going by fast. Last week I was sick so it was kind of a lost week. And in the true spirit of an overeater, I gained weight, but not much. I am still teetering around in the 160 - 163 range. So I am still safe from wildly gaining it all back ... I no longer fear that. In fact I no longer fear the food deal. I want to lose more and believe I will, but it may not happen this week or next. My workouts slipped off when sick but I had two good ones Fri and Sat. I may make it there today yet or maybe not. I am pretty laid back about the whole thing at the moment. I am dedicated to thinking positive this week. On that note today is my 19th anniversary of quitting drinking alcohol and using drugs. 19 years. See, now if I can do that sort of thing, I must have some ability to commit, right? Anyway every year I formulate an idea of what area I would like to improve in the next year. It usually just emerges as I review my year. This year the area is discipline, obedience and respect.

Let's just focus on disciplinefor now because it may encompass the other two in a round about way. By discipline I mean training myself by practicing certain habits and routines. Training myself in certain specific areas of my life like self care, housework, bill paying, driving, meal preparation, basic stuff. I have already become more disciplined in my eating habits, but I want for more discipline. I have shed many old habits but what I am looking for now is not so much the "not doing" but the "doing" - by that I mean paying attention more to what I eat, when I eat it - and even getting back into better planning. Being proactive. Also, discipline surrounding housekeeping and performing my job during business hours. Making that extra push to tidy up at night so in the morning I am greeted with a clean sink for example. Or taking the 90 seconds in the morning to make my bed so when I come home I have that sense of order when I look in my room. Little things that take little time but add up to an overall impact of calm from chaos. Meeting deadlines for sending in the bills, because today I always have the money, so it's the discipline of sitting down and writing the checks and putting them in the mail that I need. The doing.

Those are examples. I could build on them but I want to keep it simple. It's a concept but it's a concept defined by action. Obedience for me, means following the simple rules and regulations of life. Traffic signs, for one. Office rules. Even if they are not enforced. And that naturally rolls right into respect. Respect for my job and ultimately respect for authority. Respect for myself and the other people around me. Manners, for Pete's sake. I amaze myself sometimes when I take a look at me and realize that sometimes my manners are more like a ten year old boy than a 49 year old woman. Maybe because I have been rebel all my life. Not a bad thing entirely but I'd like to try some compliance for while. Not robotic stepford wife compliance, but just a simple respect for the basic rules that keep us all safe and healthy. I must admit, I have been a bit of a savage at times.

Anyway, that's what has been formulating in my master plan lately. More will be revealed....

PS, still having a thing with the man friend, going on three months next week.. And without high stress or fighting. In fact it is downright pleasant and sweet. Amazing.