The Difference

Over my four day weekend I noticed differences - non-scale victories and other positive changes. Here are a few:

On the fourth of July my plans changed abruptly when my Grandson decided to stay at his Mom's for barbecue. I was happy that he wanted to have a family day with them, but a split second of panic hit when I realized that I was alone and planless. I immediately remembered that I had friends attending a fair in a nearby town. They said live music. I called and met them. The difference - in the past I may have stayed in panic mode, stayed home alone, and felt sorry for myself, and abandoned and other weirdness. But I shifted gears and adapted - and had an absolute blast. This leads into an NSV -

It was sunny and fairly hot on the 4th so I wore shorts, and a top that just had straps, no sleeves, beyond sleeveless, a form fitting thing (wish I knew the words for clothing..) I would only have worn under stuff before. But it was summer and I dressed for summer and felt fabulous. I went to the stage and heard two really good bands. I'd never heard of them but apparently they are known. It was free. I was with couples but did not feel bad about being single - I felt free. I could hang at the stage and slip in and out of the crowd. I took pictures. I left when I felt like it. It was awesome.

On Sunday I decided to try another Bible class, it said it was in the green room. I thought it meant the room was green. Someone led me there because I could not find it - it was the green room that the worship team, choir and musicians use (silly me..green room) and I had Bible class with them. I really liked it and I was invited to join choir. No one has heard me sing - hee hee but they told me just to come. I like hanging with musicians and feel comfortable in that element. They made me feel welcome and wanted so I am coming back and probably will show up for choir tomorrow. The difference - I tried something new and have more courage. I felt comfortable.

Also later on Sunday I ran into a few people I had not seen in a year. They noticed and commented on my weight loss. NSV.

Grandson's birthday plans were fuzzy as to who he was bringing to theme park. He thought one kid was going but this kid always cancels so I figured he was not a sure thing. Instead of being frustrated or negative like I have been in the past, I told him to call a couple others and we'd see what happened. We'd go together and have a blast if no kids could come. Grandson had been gone for two weeks and I had left it to him to contact kids and decide what he wanted to do on his b-day. Big difference, me not trying to control it and bugging him so I could make sure he had a good time.. So, Sunday evening we found a kid who could come so I picked him up, baked a cake, sang happy birthday at midnight and went to theme park at noon on Monday after everyone woke up. The difference, I let everyone sleep in, I let things unfold, I did not stress on the how's and what's of things. It all worked. I ate very little cake and it did not turn into a sugar fest like last year.

At theme park I camped out on a lounge chair at the water park. I sun bathed in a two-piece. Big NSV. I am not saying I looked fabulous or anything, but I was comfortable with my body enough to lay in the sun (with a good sun block) in a two piece swimsuit. It felt awesome. I relaxed the whole day. Shopped a little in the shops, and did basically nothing. It felt fantastic and luxurious. I talked to strangers. I enjoyed the atmosphere. I let the kids do what they wanted and was in control of nothing. It was great. I bought a couple of swimsuit covers and two halter tops to wear over my swimsuit top. NSV NSV NSV. And going with the flow.

Going with the flow has been my theme for the weekend. Loose plans that I am willing to change at a moment's notice. Appreciation for what is.

I am very far from where I used to be. In a good way. Food was not the focus of any of my holiday. I ate, enjoyed what I ate, but did not focus much on it. In fact, my body, thin or fat was not the focus. I appreciated being able to wear summer things with ease and without being so self conscious but I was more into what I was doing and not so much what I was wearing or eating or not eating. I appreciate that I am what I am, right where I am supposed to be at the moment.

This feels really exquisite just to recognize that this is taking place. I am fitting into my own life.