Revelations on a Friday Morning.
In the coffee room with my administrative assistant I had a revelation. She had brought up the old TV show Gilligan's Island. I said something about who we could relate to or who were we, Ginger or Maryanne... it dawned on me and I said it out loud. I want to be wild and seductive like Ginger with the virtues of Maryanne. Can a person have both? ?
That's my pondering for the day. I got off to a rough start with daughter calling me crazy. I was in a power struggle I know. She was pushing the time to leave and we were going to be late. Being called crazy struck a nerve. I felt crazy. I feel crazy when I want absolute control. I have to let it go and start again. Now I am pondering the Ginger/Maryanne thing. I want to focus on virtue but I don't want to be a nun. Finding balance is my challenge in life but I feel today that I can do it. It feels good to believe in the ability to change.
My X before this latest X boyfriend (we will call him XX) is calling me frantically because I am not returning his calls. Not ManFriend (who shall now be referred to as MF for short) but the one from last summer. I ran into him the day of what I now call my dress rehearsal break up from MF. It was a week and a half before the actual deal. He was elated to see me and know that I was breaking it off with MF. I was nice to him. Then he started calling and texting. I texted and talked to him a little, but not much. I decided yesterday that I don't want to talk to him at all. Why would I?
I am weeding the garden of my life. He's a weed. I need that space for something beautiful to grow. This morning I went out in my garden/patio. I read my morning readings. I walked around and pulled some weeds. A couple of them looked ok at first so I watched them for a few days, suspiciously, thinking they were weeds but not knowing for sure. Today I decided they were weeds, or weedish enough to be pulled. If I left them there they'd pull the rest of the garden off balance. It felt good to pull them. My life has been like that. Watching for weeds to turn into something. I think I need to start pulling them a bit earlier. And planting more deliberately. Tending with diligence and vigilance.
The XX feeds the Ginger in me. I want the Maryanne to grow now. Ginger is on the back burner.
I may not have a loss this week on the scale but if I stay the same I will count it as victory.
More will be revealed.
That's my pondering for the day. I got off to a rough start with daughter calling me crazy. I was in a power struggle I know. She was pushing the time to leave and we were going to be late. Being called crazy struck a nerve. I felt crazy. I feel crazy when I want absolute control. I have to let it go and start again. Now I am pondering the Ginger/Maryanne thing. I want to focus on virtue but I don't want to be a nun. Finding balance is my challenge in life but I feel today that I can do it. It feels good to believe in the ability to change.
My X before this latest X boyfriend (we will call him XX) is calling me frantically because I am not returning his calls. Not ManFriend (who shall now be referred to as MF for short) but the one from last summer. I ran into him the day of what I now call my dress rehearsal break up from MF. It was a week and a half before the actual deal. He was elated to see me and know that I was breaking it off with MF. I was nice to him. Then he started calling and texting. I texted and talked to him a little, but not much. I decided yesterday that I don't want to talk to him at all. Why would I?
I am weeding the garden of my life. He's a weed. I need that space for something beautiful to grow. This morning I went out in my garden/patio. I read my morning readings. I walked around and pulled some weeds. A couple of them looked ok at first so I watched them for a few days, suspiciously, thinking they were weeds but not knowing for sure. Today I decided they were weeds, or weedish enough to be pulled. If I left them there they'd pull the rest of the garden off balance. It felt good to pull them. My life has been like that. Watching for weeds to turn into something. I think I need to start pulling them a bit earlier. And planting more deliberately. Tending with diligence and vigilance.
The XX feeds the Ginger in me. I want the Maryanne to grow now. Ginger is on the back burner.
I may not have a loss this week on the scale but if I stay the same I will count it as victory.
More will be revealed.
posted by Cindy at
8:49 AM
4 Comments:
I know what you mean about Maryanne/Ginger. I've always been a Maryanne. Always will be. And even if I could look like a Ginger, I don't think I could handle the attention that would garner. So I'm ok with being a Maryanne. Beside, men want a Maryanne for the long term. Ginger is a one night stand.... And can you imagine what an old Ginger would be like? Miserable and longing for her beauty. An old Maryanne is lovely and beautiful even into her 90s, because her beauty is from the inside.
"He's a weed"--Awesome analogy. You've got this stuff figured out, girl.
Hope you enjoy your weekend.
I love the comparison between your garden and your life. Both have to be carefully watched and tended...and sometimes left to go a little wild. :-)
I'm going for Maryanne. I grew up in the country and have ancestors and relatives from Kansas!
I loved your analogy about the weeds. Think my garden is in trouble with its soil as nothing will grow in it. So have to put some compost in it, or maybe go for a rock garden :>)
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