Oh Happy Day

I was down three pounds at weigh-in this morning. Another two pounds and my goal of getting into the 160's will be realized. I'd like to get to the mid 160's and maintain that for a while before moving on. I don't want to lose too fast. Besides, I just bought all those great clothes. They can see me through the season, and get a little baggy.

I have been eating more of a Kay Sheppard style diet. Avoiding the refined flours, and starches, and the sweets but not entirely. It is working so I will stick with it as long as I can. I avoid extremes, of anything. I had a fantastic workout on Saturday. Even though I was feeling tired that morning, I read Lori's post about going to the gym/pool and it inspired me. I had the best workout I have had in ages. This sinus condition still renders me tired and achy in the head but it feels like there may be some healing there as well.

I let go of a huge load of anger and fear in the past few days, and I believe there is a relationship between that and letting go of the pounds. It is a monumental moment for me to start losing again, and a major breakthrough with the emotions. I am working on changing my negative thoughts. I did an exercise today after having a revelation during my morning meditation. I realized that I had a set of "have to's" as I call them. In particular, about men, and others related to my parental relationships. There was a lot of fear living in those "have to's" so I made a list of all of them that came to mind on both topics. These are the things I want to let go and replace with others.

In the book I am working through (You Can Heal Your Life), Louise Hay has a great mental exercise. She pictures thoughts as a big buffet, with dishes and dishes of different thoughts. As we go through the buffet we can pick which ones we want. I have been listing what is on my buffet, old thoughts and then new ones. Soon, I will discard the old ones that make me sick. They don't even need to be on the menu. For now, I can pass them by and choose the ones that are good for me. Funny, a mental process to heal my thinking that is a food analogy. It works for food as well.

I also uncovered that my main fear was of myself, that I would not be able to set boundaries. In the past I did not have many boundaries. This also applies to food. I could not set limits with food, and I had a hard time setting limits in relationships with family, friends and men. There was a time when I did not know it was possible to have any or that I needed or wanted any. But I do want them today. And I believe I am capable of setting them.

It is a growing process that takes time. Sometimes I have a big leap, other times it it comes slowly. An important difference today is that I have the gift of patience. Patience with myself and the pace of my progress. I accept myself the way I am today. And, in doing that, I open the door to changes that make a brighter tomorrow.