late night inspirations

Today ended up sucking. It started with a deviation - I thought (to my demise) a whole grain bagel would be a good thing to have with lunch. It only led to feeling bloated, and wanting more. And more deviation. That's what happens. How many times do I have to learn it? Well, however many it takes. I was laying in bed hashing over it in my head (not staying in the now, but staying in the mistake)and I remembered how I first got the new inspiration last summer, in mid-July, to change. It came to me by reading Frances Kuffel's book Passing For Thin. And then seeing her blog on Amazon, and also getting to the Angry Fat Girlz blog. I loaned out the book, and I have now decided I am getting another copy.

I got out of bed and went to the Kuffel blog on Amazon and read. I copied and printed out one of my favorites - in late August I think, about what to do after getting loose with food, and deviating. It really helps. I do have a solution and I am not giving up, but more and more I believe that somehow I may not be able to do this at all, so many tries and so many failures. That is only part true, I can't do it alone. Without the resources of other people and power(s) greater than me.