Honesty

Here is part of my daily meditation for today:

"I have learned how to be honest. What a relief! No more ducking or dodging. No more tall tales. No more pretending to be what I am not. My cards are on the table for the entire world to see. "I am what I am," as Popeye used to say in the comics. I have had an unsavory past. I am sorry, yet. But it cannot be changed now. All that is yesterday and is done. But now my life is an open book. Come and look at it, if you want to. I'm trying to do the best I can. I will fail often, but I won't make excuses. I will face things as they are and not run away. Am I really honest?"

To be honest, the reason I stopped blogging for weeks was because I was was flailing in my efforts to maintain food sanity. I was at the point where I was in July before I started where I just could not maintain anything anymore. It starts with little things, and I am dishonest about them, and then it goes from there.

Yesterday is done. But today is quite hopeful. Even though I forgot my prepared breakfast and lunch, and left it on the counter I made it a point to leave the office go get a salad with chicken breast for lunch instead of the vending machine, or the icky salty soup someone offered me, or the cookies sitting around and of course the stupid Halloween candy that sits in a basket.

I think I scared myself straight for now, the scale started to creep up and I looked in the mirror. Reality. Hard to dodge at my house but sometimes I still try. Anyway I am out of hiding. I need support groups and stuff, I just can't do these life changes alone.