Quickie Update

Last week is a bit of a blurr. But happily the scale read 167 today, so I am losing the five I gained on the hormones, which I have now stopped. My back is hurting off and on, not as much as last week. I got somewhat depressed last week taking muscle relaxers and laying around. I tried to post a couple of times but got disgusted with what I was writing. I feel like my eating is stabilizing, though and I am ready to tackle the whole weight watcher thing. I have been resting but it bothers me not to exercise like I was. Exercise makes me feel good. Swimming and walking are probably my best bets right now, though. I am going crazy trying to find a car to buy. The insurance company settled with me today on my car which was a total loss. I feel out of sorts much of the time but have enjoyed spending time with friends over the weekend, and have been trying to keep a positive attitude.

Those muscle relaxers messed with my head and made me sleepy. I was all psyched for reading books while I was off, but I was so drowsy that reading made me fall asleep. Rest is good for me but HAVING to rest is another story I suppose. I started feeling isolated and sorry for myself at times. Then, Friday I ventured out of the house and had an accidental run in with that man - who I had not spoken to or seen in over a month. That cropped up all the hurt feelings I thought I'd gotten past. And I found myself waking up in the night thinking about that whole sordid little event. Why am I so sensitive?

Anyhow, I think I will count my blessings - the insurance company gave me way more for my dumpy little worn out car than I thought I'd get. They will also give me some $$ for pain and suffering eventually. I am sure there is a car out there somewhere for me, and it will have air conditioning so next summer I will not be sweating in the sweltering heat while I drive around. I have made two guy friends. I explicitly explained to them that I wanted to be FRIENDS. I am not "attracted" to either of them except for their brains. One of them reads and we discuss spiritual reading material that we both read. The other makes me laugh and we talk about our relationship histories, which are remarkably the same. These guys are intelligent, self supporting with decent jobs, respectful towards me, and I feel I have things in common with them. I don't want romance with either of them. Just some intelligent conversation and companionship. It feels safe and it is nice to have the guy point of view. I will get a fat paycheck Friday with 19 hours of overtime on it from that trip I took. Seems a million years ago. And, I am not craving food 24/7 like I was for a solid month or so on the hormones.

So, thank goodness for gratitude. I want to gush gratitude. I am not exactly gushing yet but I am working on it. I feel like a lamb going to the slaughter as I look and inquire about used cars. EEEK is all I can say. I do like shopping but I want a pretty car, and the pretty ones cost more.

I quit taking the muscle relaxers, they made my mind all squishy and I need all the presence of mind I can muster. My first weigh in is Thursday. We will see how that goes. Until then I will try and tally points and such...

Thanks everybody for all your nice comments. It means a lot to me to have such nice buddies. Every time I got online to try and post and blog I just couldn't seem to get it together. I feel somewhat normal today, though, in my own slightly abnormal way.