Anger and Rebellion
Okay, today I decided is my first official day of counting points for WW. Yesterday I was unprepared, I was fine until I got home and then I blew it and I blew it all big time. I did go for a good bike ride, but I think it made me hungry. Yesterday is gone. It only gets this tiny paragraph.
So today I start fresh. I go for a short but strenuous bike ride up a couple hills at 7:15 a.m. just to kick things off. I stop by the river for meditation and readings on the way to work. I feel good mentally. I go to the printer to get my WW material that I printed off (I am at work now) and there sits a spread of food. Breads, bagels, cream cheese. I am pissed off. I ask if there is an occasion we are celebrating.. no says the bringer of food, I just felt like bringing it. I take it personally, I feel she is intent on sabotage. She is overweight, she knows I am on WW. She has poor work habits. She is brash and rude and has all the bad traits I struggle to overcome. She swears often at work, I swear also and I want to stop swearing. She is a toxic person. I do not want to be her. I don't like the traits in me that are like her. I resent her for bringing the food. I am angry and it is all about me.
Now, I seriously doubt, in fact I am 99% sure she did not bring the food to sabotage my WW. It is not all about me. But, I don't want to eat the food. I am counting points and I have planned my day already at least my work day. Bread just isn't in the picture. I have my oats and my bran. I am not even hungry. But I am angry. I want to rebel against her by eating on plan, I want to rebel against what she represents to me: overeating; rude ill mannered behavior; poor work habits. I want to rebel and I will. I will rebel by NOT eating the food. I will rebel by working hard at my job and staying focused. I will rebel by staying quiet and polite.
Today I am rebelling against my old habits. I am rebelling against my own rebellion.
I hope it works. I just saw the techie that helps me, as he walked past I said "hey, I wanna ask you something" and then I said "Oh, that was rude, May I please ask you a question?" I told him I was trying to be nicer and I apologized for if I was ever rude in the past. He answered my questioned and I thanked him and told him to have a nice day. Maybe I am getting better.
More will be revealed.
So today I start fresh. I go for a short but strenuous bike ride up a couple hills at 7:15 a.m. just to kick things off. I stop by the river for meditation and readings on the way to work. I feel good mentally. I go to the printer to get my WW material that I printed off (I am at work now) and there sits a spread of food. Breads, bagels, cream cheese. I am pissed off. I ask if there is an occasion we are celebrating.. no says the bringer of food, I just felt like bringing it. I take it personally, I feel she is intent on sabotage. She is overweight, she knows I am on WW. She has poor work habits. She is brash and rude and has all the bad traits I struggle to overcome. She swears often at work, I swear also and I want to stop swearing. She is a toxic person. I do not want to be her. I don't like the traits in me that are like her. I resent her for bringing the food. I am angry and it is all about me.
Now, I seriously doubt, in fact I am 99% sure she did not bring the food to sabotage my WW. It is not all about me. But, I don't want to eat the food. I am counting points and I have planned my day already at least my work day. Bread just isn't in the picture. I have my oats and my bran. I am not even hungry. But I am angry. I want to rebel against her by eating on plan, I want to rebel against what she represents to me: overeating; rude ill mannered behavior; poor work habits. I want to rebel and I will. I will rebel by NOT eating the food. I will rebel by working hard at my job and staying focused. I will rebel by staying quiet and polite.
Today I am rebelling against my old habits. I am rebelling against my own rebellion.
I hope it works. I just saw the techie that helps me, as he walked past I said "hey, I wanna ask you something" and then I said "Oh, that was rude, May I please ask you a question?" I told him I was trying to be nicer and I apologized for if I was ever rude in the past. He answered my questioned and I thanked him and told him to have a nice day. Maybe I am getting better.
More will be revealed.
posted by Cindy at
10:23 AM
2 Comments:
"I am rebelling against my own rebellion." Too funny. I hear you sister. Just a quick hello. I am going back to painting in a minute. Had to catch up with my blog friends. Take care.
How did your day of niceness turn out? Though, I find it hard to believe you could ever be a rude or mean.
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