I broke it off with the Boyfriend. I kept feeling bad about the relationship. Maybe I like attention too much, maybe I have unrealistic expectations, but I am not willing to settle for less at this point in my life until I have further investigation into the realm of possibilities. I don't like the way I felt at least half of the time with him, and just for today, that's not good enough. Doesn't matter why really, I just can't do it, not right now and not with him. Life is full of unlimited possibilities but if I limit myself and focus a good deal of energy on a situation that makes me feel like poop, I feel I will miss out on something else, something better.
Anyway, I don't feel like diving into a bucket of ice cream or anything. I am more preoccupied with getting the HUGE amount of work on my desk finished, and getting ready for another trip to Ohio next week. I may be having PMS, I never know anymore. What is nice is that although I feel a little crummy about it all, I am not in the depths of despair and thinking there is something fundamentally wrong with me that I cannot be in a relationship. In fact, I could be in one, but I am choosing not to be because it is not the right one for me. Wow. I just realized that while writing this.
Often when I am overwhelmed I eat. Last night friends invited me to go have appetizers with them and I had not had dinner so I went. I had some spinach artichoke dip and some nachos. All were greasy and heavy. My stomach felt icky into noon time today. So I had oats, and a then a protein bar. My weight is stuck and 168 but at least I am still in the 160's. I have not been to the gym since Sunday. I hope to go Saturday in the a.m. and in Ohio next week I will go to the fabulous gym there in the evenings. I feel like I am turning myself in. But what I am really doing is being accountable. With all that is going on in my life it is easy to put my weight loss and fitness on the back burner, but I do not want to do that.
Oh, yesterday I shopped and I wanted a basic denim skirt. Just above the knee, not a mini. I found them in stretch fabric. I ended up with an 8 because the 10 was kinda loose at the hips. I wanted it to be snug, especially with stretch because I find the fabric stretches out and bags. This is bizarre, me with an 8 at 168. I think my body proportions are changing wildly or something. But it felt really good. I have not put it on since I bought it. I hope I don't have some kind of mirror shock at home. Am I too old for the basic denim skirt, just above the knee? It was in the misses department, fair game right? When it is hot it is nice to throw on a skirt. I have not worn skirts in ages because of my figure but I used to love them. I want to get some. They make me feel feminine and pretty. They are part of my style that I lost when I gained the weight. I want my style back.
I am reprinting my affirmation section from Louise Hay below:
I want to share something from the Louise Hay book -these are two brief descriptions and affirmations connected with obesity. I find them true for me. Basically the description is probable cause of obesity or fat and the other is an affirmation to use as a new thought pattern. If anyone wants to tell me how to correctly cite or attribute when I quote something on my blog, I'd appreciate it. For today all I can say is they are from Louise Hay - You Can Heal Your Life, in the back of the book in her List. Under Obesity and Fat. Here they are:
Probable cause - Oversensitivity – often represents fear and shows a need for protection. Fear may be a cover for hidden anger and a resistance to forgive.
New thought pattern: I am protected by Divine Love. I am always safe and secure. I am willing to grow up and take responsibility for my life. I forgive others, and I now create my own life the way I want it. I am safe.
Probable cause - Fear, need for protection. Running away from feelings. Insecurity, self rejection. Seeking Fulfillment.
New thought pattern - I am at peace with my own feelings. I am safe where I am. I create my own security. I love and approve of myself.
Anyway, I don't feel like diving into a bucket of ice cream or anything. I am more preoccupied with getting the HUGE amount of work on my desk finished, and getting ready for another trip to Ohio next week. I may be having PMS, I never know anymore. What is nice is that although I feel a little crummy about it all, I am not in the depths of despair and thinking there is something fundamentally wrong with me that I cannot be in a relationship. In fact, I could be in one, but I am choosing not to be because it is not the right one for me. Wow. I just realized that while writing this.
Often when I am overwhelmed I eat. Last night friends invited me to go have appetizers with them and I had not had dinner so I went. I had some spinach artichoke dip and some nachos. All were greasy and heavy. My stomach felt icky into noon time today. So I had oats, and a then a protein bar. My weight is stuck and 168 but at least I am still in the 160's. I have not been to the gym since Sunday. I hope to go Saturday in the a.m. and in Ohio next week I will go to the fabulous gym there in the evenings. I feel like I am turning myself in. But what I am really doing is being accountable. With all that is going on in my life it is easy to put my weight loss and fitness on the back burner, but I do not want to do that.
Oh, yesterday I shopped and I wanted a basic denim skirt. Just above the knee, not a mini. I found them in stretch fabric. I ended up with an 8 because the 10 was kinda loose at the hips. I wanted it to be snug, especially with stretch because I find the fabric stretches out and bags. This is bizarre, me with an 8 at 168. I think my body proportions are changing wildly or something. But it felt really good. I have not put it on since I bought it. I hope I don't have some kind of mirror shock at home. Am I too old for the basic denim skirt, just above the knee? It was in the misses department, fair game right? When it is hot it is nice to throw on a skirt. I have not worn skirts in ages because of my figure but I used to love them. I want to get some. They make me feel feminine and pretty. They are part of my style that I lost when I gained the weight. I want my style back.
I am reprinting my affirmation section from Louise Hay below:
I want to share something from the Louise Hay book -these are two brief descriptions and affirmations connected with obesity. I find them true for me. Basically the description is probable cause of obesity or fat and the other is an affirmation to use as a new thought pattern. If anyone wants to tell me how to correctly cite or attribute when I quote something on my blog, I'd appreciate it. For today all I can say is they are from Louise Hay - You Can Heal Your Life, in the back of the book in her List. Under Obesity and Fat. Here they are:
Probable cause - Oversensitivity – often represents fear and shows a need for protection. Fear may be a cover for hidden anger and a resistance to forgive.
New thought pattern: I am protected by Divine Love. I am always safe and secure. I am willing to grow up and take responsibility for my life. I forgive others, and I now create my own life the way I want it. I am safe.
Probable cause - Fear, need for protection. Running away from feelings. Insecurity, self rejection. Seeking Fulfillment.
New thought pattern - I am at peace with my own feelings. I am safe where I am. I create my own security. I love and approve of myself.
posted by Cindy at
1:48 PM
2 Comments:
I'm sorry it didn't work out with the Boyfriend, but you are totally right -- you shouldn't feel bad that much of the time with him! A friend of mine told me once that if your person makes you feel better at least 51% of the time, that was good. I think there's something to that. And if you person makes you feel WORSE more than 50% of the time? Buh bye!!
Congrats on the size 8 -- I remember how good that feels! And no way are you too old for a denim skirt -- I love skirts and I think they make us all look cute. :-)
I agree with Helen, the point of relationships (romantic or otherwise) is to feel good most of the time with that person. But if you feel WORSE....it sounds like a good call.
I'm pleased that you were able to see both the good and more importantly see the negativity before you got too sucked into it.
A denim skirt is a classic, Cindy, and that's great about the size 8. I think I used to be a size 8, oh, when I was 8 years old.
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