This is how my evening went....
There is this thing with me and bananas. I almost forgot it until tonight. It is a bond from days gone by. A time far way when I used to bake when I was upset. Everybody knew it. My old roommate even tells a store where one day she came home and saw a crate of bananas in the hall in our apartment building and thought some huge catastrophe had struck. It was actually the guy upstairs who worked at the grocery, bringing home some overstocks. I have a pretty good recipe. I find that I can leave out sugar when I use bananas, and this time I left out the fat, and used a little apple juice. I use whole grain flour and some oats, skim milk and eggs.I decided that I am going to make a list of other comforts, non food activities, since the actual baking ritual is part of this comfort. The art of creating, the warm sweet smell, sharing the finished product, the soothing warm soft texture. It is a package. But when I am in that vulnerable state of needing some comfort, it is not easy to stop at one. So while the individual muffy is innocent enough, the urge for more could follow. I can get a creativity fix from drawing, writing poetry, playing the guitar or making music or drumming, and I can share these activities with others or do them alone, depending on how I feel. There are lots of things to do, really. And I can light scented candles while I do it, to get the warm glow, aromatic effect.
It was a moody, rough day for me at the office. I did not even realize I was kind of vulnerable and needed to be soothed. Maybe that's what I need to do, tune into that need, the need for Mom. The need for a hug and "its going to be okay" even though actually my mom usually was more worried than me about stuff and I don't think I ever heard her say once that everything would be okay, but you know what I mean.
Am I freaked that I ate muffins plural tonight. Not anymore. I realized what the deal was. I saw
ripe bananas, which equal the baking ritual, which equal comfort, and I did what came naturally. I learned a little more about me, and I realized that I need some TLC and that I can find safe ways to get it. I will do better tomorrow, I am not going to let a few muffins get in my way, especially when they are supposed to be my pals, right? Don't they look innocent, all plump and grainy sitting there snuggling on the plate?
posted by Cindy at
9:42 PM
5 Comments:
Hi Cindy - I just stumbled upon your blog and from the half dozen posts I've read, it is really a treat!
I love to cook and to bake, and I've learned a few little secrets. 1)Bake a pie - you get the pleasure of baking but you won't want to cut into it so you can take it pristinely to work in the morning (or even better, send it with your sweetheart. Ask him/her to bring you home a small slice so you can try it.)
2)Use a cooking light recipe or something else that already has the nutrition information figured out. If you track your food, enter in one serving of the dessert before you bake it. When you're done baking, plate that one serving very attractively, put the rest away (to be taken to work tomorrow or given to the neighbors). Then take your plate into another room, play some music and enjoy every mouthful. So much more satisfying than blind eating!
Anyway, it's hardly a great introduction to come in and start giving you advice right away. But the pleasures of baking really spoke to me and I thought I'd share how I dealt with it. Looking forward to reading more of your blog!
Hi Cindy!
Thank you SO much for your comments today on my blog. I have been through this real estate thing twice before (once with this same agent who also, unfortunately, is the husband of a good friend and a good friend himself...) and I should know better. Sigh.
Actually everything went well today...I just want it all over and to be in our new place with mine sold all safe and sound.
Now...on to YOUR blog today which I REALLY understand. I absolutely LOVE cooking. It calms me down. Lets me share food (which, in my family, equalled love) with people and myself. I think your muffins look great and I think it's GREAT to substitute healthy stuff into them because then you don't have to feel SO guilty about eating more than one! Personally, I think such things taste just as good, if not better, than the "real" recipes.
Also, are you a drummer? My sweetheart is too and I love playing with all the percussion. Wish you could join us at the drum circle at the beach on the weekend...it's cathartic and healing. :-)
Would you always eat more than one regular size one - or is it because you haven't had them in a long time?
There is a difference.
I baked muffins and put flax seed in instead of the oil - I made the really TINY ones and ate two - every day that I had yoga until they were gone.
I kept them in the freezer and would take walnuts, yogurt, fruit and 2 tiny muffins for after yoga.
The tiny really worked for me - could have more than one and I am sure two tinies did not even equal one regular.
If you love to bake - and can get your recipe down to the point where there is nothing BAD - and you can attach the proportion/portion eating TO something - breakfast, snack, day of the week, etc. it does not have to be BAD.
I would suggest working on the recipe and working on the size - keeping in the freezer, and then seeing where you get. Flax seed is a good thing to add - GI track wise.
Wow thanks for all the great suggestions. I have this bag of flax seed waiting to be used, and I never thought to put it in the muffin recipe. I like the size reduction, too. Thanks, everybody!!
Those are b-e-a-u-t-i-ful muffins. I love muffins. How did you get them to raise like that? When I use whole wheat flour mine look like hockey pucks. I also loved Vickie's idea about the flax seed.
Thank you for your comments about the Aunt Zella blog.
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