Smaller Jeans

This weekend I was to visit one of my best friends from my childhood/high school years. We had stayed friends for many years after school, but lost touch about 15 years ago. She had not seen me since the "fat years" began. I was excited about seeing her but self concious about the weight gain. I decided to shop my fears away. I was already tired of putting on my bigger sized pants so I went in search of smaller sized pants that would fit. I went for the jeans that have a little stretch to them because I like those the best. They are almost like a girdle and can be worn tight at first and as the weight comes off, they fit better, then get a little too big. I wanted the psychological boost of putting on a smaller size, a tangible reminder that I am making progress. And I decided to indulge myself. I took my time and actually enjoyed the shopping trip. If something was too small, I just cast it aside and found something else. I had more options than in the past. There is big a varience in sizing these days but I was able to go down a size, even two sizes from what I have been wearing. I put my two sizes up pants in the good will bag, determined not to wear them anymore.

I doubt my friend would have paid any attention to my weight gain. In fact, she told me I looked the same as ever. It was a really wonderful visit and a great renewal of an old friendship. In my not too distant past I would have been reluctant to visit an old buddy - feeling ashamed of my gaining weight. I am really grateful that today I am not punishing myself like that. I am no longer missing out on things. I am accepting myself the way I am today, but it is easier because I trust that I am also doing something about the things I want to change. I am no longer trapped and isolated.

So the new jeans are great, but even better is the new outlook and attitude.